Couldn't blame this one on the dog......

Ok, so maybe this story doesn’t have anything to do with sex or "the lifestyle" specifically, but it does show just what kinds of "trials and tribulations" some of us go through just to try and make ourselves "attractive" to others!

I happen to live in a rural area, so health clubs and spas are very few and far between around here. When a local entrepreneur decided to open a combination health club, beauty salon, and tanning spa a couple of years ago, I was thrilled that we now had such a fine establishment within our community. It was one that I fully intended to put to good use!

Establishing a Routine

So, it became somewhat of a weekly ritual for me to go to the club to work out once or twice a week, as time permitted. On Saturday mornings, I would treat myself to a little relaxation time in the tanning bed. Everything went along great for quite a while.

The Gas Incident

Then one Saturday morning, I arrived at the salon at my usual time and was assigned to "room 5," all the way down the hall. I got myself ready, crawled onto the tanning bed, hit the timer, and tried to relax.

But due to a huge ball of gas rumbling around in my abdomen, relaxation was next to impossible! This was my guts' way of getting back at me for going out drinking with some friends after work Friday night. The longer I lay there, the larger and noisier this persistent gas bubble became, to the point that I was beginning to get cramps from trying to hold it in!

The Brilliant Idea

That’s when the brilliant idea hit me. I thought to myself, "Hey, I am in a private room. There is a big exhaust fan up near the ceiling, quite capable of removing the evidence long before my time in the box is up, so why not just let 'er rip and get some relief?"

So, that’s exactly what I did. The relief to my abdomen was immediate, but the stench was almost more than even I could bear! But soon, the exhaust fan worked its magic, and the air in the room became breathable again.

The Aftermath

I finished my tanning session, got dressed, and headed down the hall toward the front desk, feeling all smug that I had been presented a major problem and had been able to handle it so cleverly!

That was about the time that I noticed a strange phenomenon. Normally on Saturday mornings, every tanning booth is in use and the waiting room is full of people waiting their turn in the box. But as I was walking down the hall, I noticed that all of the other rooms were empty, with all the doors to the rooms standing wide open.

Then, just as I opened the door to the waiting room, I suddenly knew why! All of the tanning booth rooms were connected by the exhaust fans. Apparently, my cloud of noxious gas had traveled room to room, forcing a total evacuation of the facility! So, here I was, last man out of the box, facing a whole room full of evacuees, many with washcloths still held to their faces!

The Lesson Learned

Needless to say, I no longer frequent that establishment. So, if we ever happen to meet, and the thought crosses your mind that maybe I look a little pudgy around the middle and that maybe I could use a little more color, believe me, there is a reason!

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