Many of us have been there. The pounding heart, the twisting stomach, the need to share our true sexual longings versus the overwhelming anxiety keeping us silent because our significant other might get upset— Do we take the risk? Do we share our deepest, darkest bedroom fantasies?
You are thinking, “I want to share my fantasies, but…ugh. What if my lover gets offended? What if my lover gets angry and blows up at me? What if my confession hurts my lover’s feelings and he/she cries betrayal? Is this a potential fight that could lead to a breakup? Is the desire to be true to myself more important than the time and effort we, as a team, have put into our relationship?”
Let’s all take a deep breath and calm down.
Instead of dwelling on worst-case scenarios, let’s focus on improving the odds for a better outcome. All relationships are different, and advice is… well, advice. There is never a guarantee for success when it comes to matters of the heart; there are just too many variables.
However, we at SwingTowns are in the business of helping others achieve their sexual fantasies, so we sought and collected advice on this matter from our friends, our family, and even our spouses, getting tips from others who have been in this very position and were successful in communicating their desires and taking it to a mutually beneficial conclusion for the pleasure of both—or rather, all parties involved.
The responses were amazing. To our delight, we were able to condense all these recommendations into a summary of “How To Share Your Fantasies with Your Partner” tips just for our blog readers.
Do Your Research
You have this fantasy. You imagine it often. It’s so clear in your head. Perhaps you want to indulge in an ménage a trois. Maybe you want to take your partner to a swinger party for some sexy fun. Whatever the fantasies, make sure you have the information you need to support the fulfilling of it. Do you have a person in mind for your potential threesome? Is there a particular swinger club you wish to attend? How many fetish shops are located in your neighborhood? Are there social organizations in your area that assist others in exploring alternative lifestyles? Knowledge is power, and being able to answer any questions that arise will help increase the chances for success.
Plan and Prepare for the Discussion
Now educated on safety protocols, social dos and don’ts, fetish etiquette, and armed with references and resources about the how, what, when, where, and why of your fantasies, it is time to plan and prepare for the big reveal. Consult a calendar and pick the perfect date. (For example, you might decide to wait to broach the subject until AFTER your partner has completed a stressful project at work.) Make arrangements for the children so there are no distractions. Go the extra mile—splurge on good wine, cook a favorite meal, or take your lover to their favorite restaurant, treat them to a special dessert back at home. You want your partner to be in a mood to say, “Yes!”
Location, Location, Location
When it’s time to actually have the discussion, choose a place where both you and your partner are comfortable. It should be private, held in an atmosphere that allows for intimate conversations. This is not a topic to be broached in a crowded public space, or else it runs the risk of becoming a humiliating event for both you and your partner should your confession be met with immediate backlash. It should be just the two of you. If you do this in the company of your “supportive” friends, the experience of another might influence your partner away from the fantasies you are hoping to make a reality. For example, “I had a threesome once, and it was terrible! You’ll absolutely hate it!” a friend might blurt.
Open Communication and Rational Discussion
Create an atmosphere of open communication and trust. No lying. No manipulation. No coercion. Be upfront and honest with your significant other about your fantasies. Start light with lots of possibilities, leaving negotiations for a later date. Take the time to highlight how your fantasy might benefit both you and your lover, and encourage him/her to share their own fantasies. Answer all questions and address all concerns in a calm tone even if your partner becomes defensive or angry. Provide reasonable solutions to any objections. Perhaps offer to show examples of your fantasies in other mediums, such as in books, magazines, and/or movies.
Respect Your Partner’s Decision
If you don’t get the answer you were hoping to get, don’t push the issue. Reassure your partner that you respect their decision. Give it some time, and don’t lose hope. Your partner might just need some time to think it over.