Congratulations on taking a brave, bold, step toward even more excitement in your (hopefully) already exciting sex life. You’ve talked this through, you’ve done lots of reading about the swinger lifestyle, you’ve joined an online swinger community, and you are ready to have your first swinging experience! You’ve screened several potential playmates and you’ve discussed everything from desires to limits to fantasies. You and your spouse/partner have done enough talking and you’re so ready to play with others. You’re excited to meet people who enjoy sex as much as you do. You’re finally going to start living out your fantasies. This is going to be amazing, right? You can hardly wait for the moment to arrive! Do you want to know what could possibly go wrong?
But don’t worry! You have the power to prevent almost everything from going wrong. And you surely have the power to make the very best of the experience even if a lot of things go wrong. There are a few things to keep in mind if you want to make your first swinger experience a successful one. The very most important thing is to have realistic expectations. This isn’t a porn set. This is a real life situation with real people who have real personalities and emotions. Real people (including you and your spouse or partner) might need time to get comfortable. Someone may have second thoughts. Someone may be hesitant and change their mind once clothes start coming off. No matter what happens, make sure you’re ready for anything. Don’t expect the worst (because swinging should not be approached with pessimism) but don’t expect your wildest dreams to come true during this very first experience.
As the long awaited event draws near, remember to be patient. Sex with anyone should not be based on a checklist of specific acts or positions that you’ve been fantasizing about. Go with the flow and be mindful of what your partners are communicating verbally and non-verbally. Your well intended DP, DVP, group facial, etc. might not happen but other hot, erotic moments might take their place instead. Just relax, enjoy yourself, and do what comes naturally.
Even though you and your spouse/partner undoubtedly chose to become swingers for your own pleasure, remember that those who join you also have their own specific desires that might not match yours. Everyone has different comfort levels, fantasies, and limits. Make sure that you always treat other swingers (including that coveted unicorn!) as equal partners in all aspects of swinging. Their needs and comfort are just as important as yours. They are seeking sexual pleasure of their own. Never treat anyone like an accessory or prop for your own pleasure. (unless that’s their kink, of course!)
In the event that things don’t go as planned, remember that this one experience will not make or break your life as a swinger. Do you remember the first time you ever had sex? Hopefully you’ve come a long way since then. Just as your first sexual experience is vastly different from what you enjoy today, so will your life as a swinger evolve. This is just the beginning and what you feel, experience, and desire today can drastically change as you learn more about yourself, your partner(s) and the swinger community.
No matter what happens, it’s up to you to have a great time and make the best of whatever happens. The best way to prepare for swinging is to decide you’re going to have fun even if you don’t experience everything you had hoped for. This is just the beginning! There’s always the next time! And the time after that and the time after that…