Toys, Toys, Everywhere You Look There’s Toys

BDSM BallGag

So you’ve watched a few movies, read a few books and thought, “Hm, that BDSM stuff looks like it might be fun. But how do we start?”

Dipping your toe in the BDSM pool is an intriguing thought. The first thing you need to know is BDSM is first, and foremost, a power exchange between two, or more, people. The well-known play involves tops and bottoms, also known as Doms and Subs, and a variety of toys to increase their sexual pleasure.

As with everything, you don’t go into BDSM knowing everything. In fact, the only real thing I’ve ever heard people talk about that is the same is the fact that BDSM should be safe, sane and consensual. It is play between consenting adults that provides hours of fun.

Before you start, you need to make sure you trust your partner. Communicate with each other. Talk about what you want. Decide on a safe word, one that you don’t normally use during sexual play. For instance, if you say, no, no, oh no, not that, when you mean, yes, yes, then no wouldn’t be a good safe word for you to use. Try something a little more exotic, like giraffe. Once you’ve decided, take a dip, a skinny dip, and see if the reality of things live up to the fantasy.

If you need an idea of what sort of things to start out with, here is a list of toys that can help you on your journey.

A Collar and Leash

There is no surer way mark the power exchange between a Dom and sub than by making the sub wear a collar and leash. Once they are properly attired you can lead the around the house or around the backyard if you have a high enough fence, or if you don’t mind shocking your neighbors if you have a short fence.

A Blindfold

This is the most basic of items to put in your BDSM toy box. Add to it a pair of earmuffs. These two items will provide sensory deprivation, which is a wonderful way to start BDSM play. Making it so the sub can’t see, or hear, will heighten their sense of anticipation, and give the Dom a sense of power over them.

Restraints

Tying up your sub is one of the most basic of BDSM activities. As a newbie you might try fuzzy handcuffs, that won’t leave marks on wrists. Or, if you don’t want to invest in toys, use ties, strips of cloth from around the house, or curtain tiebacks. Make sure you don’t make the restraints too tight. Watch for signs of discoloration around the area where the ties are placed, and make sure they are not too tight.

While your sub is tied, try running feathers over their body, or running ice cubes over their exposed flesh. Their reactions should help things spin a little out of control, in a good way.

Paddles

When spanking a partner, it is best to start out with a hand spanking. For many people, the reality of a spanking can be a little hard to take. For starters, the Dom should take the sub over his knee and start slowly. Slapping someone’s ass with a paddle before warming them up will not produce the results you’re looking for.

Once you’re used to a hand spanking you can move to paddles. Try a ping-pong paddle, or one that has little designs cut into it. They will be great for a step up. Once you’ve moved up you can look into riding crops and canes. Both of those implements are for the more experienced BDSM players, and the person wielding them needs to make sure they’ve learned what to do before they use them on their sub’s bottom.

A flogger can also be used in beginning play, as long as the Dom is, once again, careful of its placement and has learned what to do. There are maps online of the human body that show where a sub should be whipped, and where they should not. Make sure to do your homework.

Clamps

Everyone, at some point in time, has caught a piece of their body between two hard places. The pain is horrible, but in the sense of BDSM play, the pain can help a sub on their way to euphoria. You don’t have to spend a lot of money in this regard. Lots of people start out with clothespins, the plain old wooden ones your mother, or grandmother, used to hang out clothes after they were washed.

Once the clothespins have tried out, and the Dom and sub decide they want to move on to the next level, they can purchase nipple clamps with either light plastic covers, to keep from hurting sensitive flesh; or decide to go for the gold and buy clamps that have alligator teeth, which have quite the bite.

Once again, check the area you have clamped, to make sure you’re not cutting off blood flow, and the sub is actually enjoying the pain the clamps are producing.

Gags

Once again, this toy can be something simple, like the silk tie from a bathrobe or a bandana that you use to tie back your hair while you’re outside playing. A ball gag is also something to use at first. If you decide to make it so your sub can’t speak, make sure the safe word you’ve decided upon transfers into some sort of gesture to let the Dom know the sub wants to stop the play. It could be something as easy as the sub wiggling their little finger to say they need a break.

Plugs and Vibrators

More than likely, these are things that are already in your toy box. Using them on your sub while they are tied can provide pleasure, or exquisite pain if you start, and then stop. Plugs can be used for public play. If you insert one in your sub’s behind before you go out to dinner, it will seem like dessert during the main course as you watch them squirm. A sub will be happy to know they are pleasing their Dom, and the Dom will be thrilled to know his sub is serving him in a very public, yet unknown way.

End On a Good Note

The ideas are endless when it comes to BDSM, but for beginners the need to start slowly is strong. Do your homework, make sure you are bringing about pleasure, even if it is painful. The last thing you want to do is cause permanent damage to a person while playing with BDSM. Remember, safe, sane and consensual. To that respect, remember to keep tools on hand in case something goes wrong. For bondage, keep safety scissors, for clamps and spankings, keep lotions and gels on hand to rub into affected areas. After care is as important as playtime.

Playtime can grow affections between a Dom and sub; after care can strengthen that affection. Take care with your play, and learn how to make each other soar.

Melinda Barron on Blogger
Melinda Barron
Melinda Barron is a multi-published erotic author specializing in BDSM and menage stories. You can find her work on Loose Id, Resplendence Publishing and Blushing Books.

1 Comment on Toys, Toys, Everywhere You Look There’s Toys

Guys! You Should All Be Using Sex Toys… (And Here’s Why!) | Non-Monogamy Blog by SwingTowns said : Guest Report Subscribe a week ago

[…] I’m here to set the record straight. There is absolutely nothing wrong with using or enjoying a sex toy. And if you are not enjoying them, then here are a few reasons why you should at least give them a […]

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