BDSM Basics: Try Before You Buy

So how can you add this erotic flavor into your sexual repertoire without spending a dime?

BDSM has never been hotter! Although kink has always been around in the dark corners of humanity, it has recently taken the center stage of pop culture. It used to be you could only get your filthy, leather-clad thrills through Rock & Roll, the fashion industry or maybe horror movies. Meeting actual people in the wild who were kinky was even harder! Now there is a munch in every town and a pair of handcuffs in practically every underwear drawer!

So how can you add this erotic flavor into your sexual repertoire without spending a dime?

Read onward for a few more ideas on how.


BDSM isn’t about having the latest toys – it’s about a state of mind. It’s about taking control of your desires and exploring with your partner. Here are a few tools and scenarios that you can try right away, without having your own personal pleasure room.

A LOT of folks are highly aroused by a few strikes on the behind. During intercourse this is a nice “giddyup” between relatively equal partners. To kink things up a bit you need to set the stage for the surrender of power. Put your partner over your lap before the sex. Administer open handed swats all over the ass and thighs, while at the same time taking a closer look at their level of arousal. Once the feedback loop of arousal starts up there is no turning back!

When spanking you want to cup your hand ever so slightly, and allow the muscles of the hand to be loose. Move the hand and arm as one unit, lightly bouncing it on the proffered behind. Hold your body upright and your core engaged. Do some harder spanks occasionally as you warm the whole bottom area. Taking the time to caress the pink parts is important too.

Once it has been established that your partner craves more intense stimulation than a hand can provide it’s time to move on to a few good hitting implements you can find around the house. The above techniques also apply to a large wooden spoon, a hairbrush, or even a flip-flop. (Bad dog!)

If you want to go into more psych-sexual play there is always the belt. A classic punishment tool from childhood, the belt requires a bit more finesse. It IS possible to break the skin with this tool so care must be taken to properly aim! You want to use only the leather end, and hit with the bottom 2-3 inches. Hold the belt doubled over so that it won’t wrap around the body as you strike. You can use wide arm motions back and forth here to paint an ass red. Aim for the fleshy bits. It’s also nice to scare the submissive a little by snapping the belt by holding it doubled over and pulling the ends tight so a loud “snap” is heard.

One of the best kink tools is your voice. What really makes a scene steamy is connection, power exchange. The simplest act can be sexy as hell with the right words uttered in the right tone, at the right time. You want to command your lover – gently, playfully, sensually. Let the phrase end on a downward note, opposite the way you inflect a question. Telling your lover to do things in this authoritative voice lets them know how to please you, as well as making them feel controlled. Simple commands such as “sit there, knees apart” and “keep sucking” are no longer requests between lovers… They are the lifeline for a submissive yearning to please their dominant.

On the subject of controlling your submissive with your voice, it’s great to incorporate psychological bondage. Asking the submissive to hold positions can be a great way to judge their enthusiasm to please. A motivated sub will impress you in this area by scrambling back to their starting position after a hard spank or slap. Putting them in sexually degrading positions objectifies the slave while dehumanizing them. Let your own personal preferences guide you here, making room for people’s varying ability. You can also order a slave to keep their eyes closed, their mouth open or their cheeks apart. Use your imagination!

Another technique I enjoy using to establish a power dynamic is to employ titles. The submissive must use my honorific EVERY time they speak or risk humiliation and punishment. Policing your partner’s speech like this can be very controlling, and will create lots of opportunities for correction and punishment.

If all of this creates a need for more there is a veritable world of wicked devices for the exploration! Dive deep, dive often!

Stay Kinky, Friends!
Mistress Selina Minx

Mistress Selina Minx on FacebookMistress Selina Minx on InstagramMistress Selina Minx on TwitterMistress Selina Minx on Wordpress
Mistress Selina Minx
Selina Minx is a Pro Domme and lifestyle player with over two decades experience in the BDSM community. Her expertise has been published in Penthouse, New Witch (now Witches and Pagans), Reason Magazine and Old Nick. A featured Kink Academy educator, she has taught workshops and appeared at Domcon LA, the Dr. Susan Block show, HBO, Club Discipline, Rapture, Pantheacon, New Age Tradeshow, Conscious Life Expo and most recently, the Lincoln Center in NYC. Visit Minx Erotica to learn more.
There are no reviews yet. Be the first one to review.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *