A Few Notes From a 10-Year Swinger

When starting out in the lifestyle, regardless of whether you're a male, female, or couple, there's always that anxiety: "What if they don't like me/us? What if I'm/we're too short/tall/skinny/fat/dark/ pale/old/young/big/small?" As someone who's been doing this for a while, I had this problem with my wife, who had never experienced or really thought about the lifestyle prior to meeting me. She is a BBW and was absolutely terrified at the notion of attending our first swing function, so much so that she downed a scary proportion of a 750ml bottle of Captain Morgan...in an hour and a half. Although no one who's actually in the lifestyle condones that sort of behavior, we all understand the thought process that goes along with it, and needless to say, the morning after was its own punishment.
Since then, my wife has evolved to the point where she is not only NOT self-conscious about her body or sharing it with others, she's the reason I'm here writing this article now. If not for her, we wouldn't have started on this site. So it does get better. Just some things I wanted to point out in case they haven't already been addressed elsewhere (and if they have, I apologize profusely).
1) This is plastered over nearly every swinger's site and profile and displayed prominently in every swinger's clud I've ever been in: NO MEANS NO! Should be self-explanatory, but for some reason, some people just don't get it. If "no" is the word given, at any time under any circumstances in any situation where swinging is involved, regardless of the degree of undress, closeness, etc., then "NO" is where it should end.
2) Age is not necessarily a barrier, on either side. While of course all parties need to be legal (that's a revelation of the painfully self-evident, but I figured throwing out the disclaimer is not a bad idea), don't automatically assume that someone younger than your criteria is out, ditto someone older. I've known 21-year-olds who conducted themselves like 50-year-old attorneys (not necessarily a bad thing, considering the usual level of decorum one would expect from such a person); equally, I've known 60-year-olds who acted like frat boys in Fort Lauderdale for spring break and behaved like world-class, 24kt jerks anytime they were turned down. Be open to the possibilty that someone outside your criteria who expresses interest may bring something to the table you haven't considered.
3) Especially when a new person is involved (i.e. someone new to the lifestyle, regardless of physical age), afford them a certain amount of latitude in their behavior. A newbie can't be expected to know and understand ALL the rules (and there are many, common-sense as well as rules that vary from couple to couple), their first time out of the gate. They are very likely nervous and wanting to make a good impression, while having no clue how to accomplish that in this new situation. However, if their behavior is such that it makes others uncomfortable, it might not be a bad idea for ALL the parties involved to sit down with the newbie and politely educate them as to why their behavior is inappropriate. As long as they act right, let it ride; why blow up a perfectly good night by making an uncomfort-able situation absolutely intolerable? However, if they prove to be intractable after being politely told why they're out of line, then it would be appropriate to end the encounter/meeting/whatever. But newbies don't stay newbies, and those who've been there and done that have an obligation to teach the newbies the ropes so that they don't repeat their mistakes. Patience and kindness are better teachers than browbeating, screaming, or "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE," and make for a more enjoyable time all around.
4) Honesty is truly the key here. Be honest with yourself, your partner (if applicable), and the people you contact. If you top 300 pounds, don't say you're 180. The lie will be easily detectable, especially if you meet with these people. Similarly, don't say you've got 13 inches if you've only got six. If you don't find someone sexually attractive, SAY SO! Don't wait until you're in the middle of an encounter and the man's wondering why you aren't having any fun (trust me, ladies, most guys can tell and will call you on it; if they don't, then it's up to you to end it, quickly, because now you're talking something akin to rape), or the woman's wondering why you talked such a good game, said all the right things, and now you're in the saddle and Daddy Longstroke is now Pee-Wee Herman. It's not fair to them, or yourself.
5) Be comfortable with yourself. So what if you're not hung like John Holmes? A lot of women (in my experience, the vast majority) would only take a cock like that once, to see if they could, but for the most part, an average to reasonable size seems to be between five and a half and nine inches, depending on the woman. And ladies: There are about two percent of the world's women who look like what you see on TV, all these people yammering on and on about how your "ideal weight" is blah blah blahbity blah. If you top 300 pounds and carry it well, then more power to you. As Katt Williams so aptly said, "Ladies, if you're the shit, then BE the shit!"

Please bear in mind that all of these are very general (except #1 and 4; both of these are pretty much de rigeur in the lifestyle, and to break them can have very serious consequences, both physically and emotionally; people have been hurt very badly, and relationships and even lives have been destroyed or ended, in a few tragic cases, because of failure to give due diligence to these rules.) and should be applied to the situation you are in, with yourselves as a couple or yourselves as part of a swinging whole, as liberally or string-ently as the situation seems to call for at the time. If any of this seems breathtakingly, even insultingly, obvious, then you've probably been swinging for more than five minutes or are way ahead of the knowledge curve for the average newbie. But who knows? Maybe this might teach some old dogs new tricks, as well as teaching some of the newbies some things they really need to know. I wish someone had done as much for me when I first started out; I could have avoided some fairly awkward situations.

If you see anything in this article that you wish to elaborate on or take issue with, please don't hesitate to contact us.
Warmest Regards and Best Wishes,
welikkitty