Ok...so maybe this story doesnt have anything to do with sex or "the lifestyle" specifically....but it does go to show, just what kinds of "trials and tribulations" some of us go through....just to try and make ourselves "attractive" to others!
I happen to live in a "rural" area...so "health clubs" and "spa's" etc...are very few and far between around here....so...when a local "entrepeneur" decided to open combination Health club/Beauty salon/tanning spa....a couple of years ago...I was happy that we now had such a fine "establishment" within our community. One that I fully intended to put to good use!
So....it became somewhat of a weekly "ritual" for me to go to the "club" to workout....once or twice a week...as time permitted,....and on saturday mornings...to treat myself to a little relaxation time in the tanning bed.
Everything went along great for quite a while....then one saturday morning...I arrived at the "salon" at my usual time....was assigned to "room 5" all the way down the hall. I got myself ready..crawled onto the tanning bed....hit the timer and tried to relax.
But due to a huge ball of "gas" that was rumbling around in my abdomen...relaxation was next to impossible! ( This was my "guts" way of "getting back at me"...for going out drinking with some friends...after work Friday night)
The longer that I layed there...the larger and more noisy this persistant gas bubble became...to the point that I was beginning to get cramps from trying to "hold it in"!
THAT is when the "brilliant" idea hit me....I thought to myself...."Hey...I am in a private room...there is a big exhaust fan up near the ceiling, quite capable of "removing the evidence"...long before my "time in the box" is up...wo why not just "let 'er rip" and get some relief"
So that is exactly what I did....the relief to my abdomen was immediate....but the "stench" was almost more than even I could bear! But soon the exhaust fan..worked its magic...and the air in the room became "breathable" again!
I finish with my tanning session...got dressed and headed down the hall toward the front dest...feeling all smug that I had been presented a major problem and that I had been able to handle it so cleverly!!
That was about the time that I noticed a "strange phenomenon"...Normally on saturday mornings..EVERY tanning booth is in use and the waiting room is full of people waiting their "turn in the box"....but as I was walking down the hall...I noticed that ALL Of the other rooms were EMPTY...all the doors to the rooms were standing wide open.
Then just as I opened the door to the waiting room...I suddenly knew why!!! ALL of the tanning booth rooms were connected by the exhaust fans....apparently my "cloud of noxious gas" had traveled room to room...forcing a total evactuation of the facility!!! So...here I was.....last man out of the box...facing a whole room full of "evacuees" many with washcloths still held to their faces!!
Needless to say....I no longer frequent that establishment! So..if we ever happen to meet...and the thought crosses your mind that maybe I look a little "pudgy" around the middle..and that maybe I could use a little more "color"....Believe me...there is a reason!!!
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